Even by his usual standards, Mark Goldbridge's latest breakdown over Manchester United's misery got a little weird.
The football YouTuber live-streamed to his 1million subscribers as the Red Devils suffered a last-gasp defeat away to Arsenal on Sunday. And the latest loss was put down to the errors of two stand-out names in defence more than anyone else.
The Premier League implosion was that much more difficult to take given United struck first at the Emirates through Marcus Rashford's brilliantly taken strike after 27 minutes. The Gunners needed barely 60 seconds to equalise through captain Martin Odegaard, only for substitute Alejandro Garnacho to seemingly seal all three points for the visitors in the 88th minute.
The Argentina international's strike was deemed offside, and two late goals from Declan Rice and Gabriel Jesus swung the result in the opposite direction. And Goldbridge couldn't help but blame substitute centre-backs Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans for the late dip in defence.
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Maguire came on in Lisandro Martinez's place after the World Cup-winner was carded in the 65th minute, while Evans replaced Victor Lindelof – who was also on a yellow – late on. The cameo was the Northern Irishman's first competitive appearance for United since May 2015, having rejoined the Red Devils on a short-term deal this season.
But Evans' comeback didn't quite go to plan as United leaked two in the minutes following his introduction, concluding with Jesus' decisive finish in the 101st minute. Both replacement centre-backs looked particularly exposed in that sequence, with Fabio Vieira splitting United's lines while Evans and Maguire were lost in no man's land.
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"F*** off! Just go away," blared Goldbridge to his followers before forming one of the weirdest metaphors football has witnessed. "Get out! Absolutely jokes! That defence with Jonny Evans and Harry Maguire in it is like. . .it's f***ing all over the place!
"It's like a couple of dogs trying to s**g on ice skates. Bloody c**p! Rubbish! Absolute rubbish! You will not operate at this level with that type of a centre-back pairing. What is he doing!?"
The streamer struggled to stay seated after two injury-time efforts reduced United's potential haul at the Emirates from three down to zero. And plenty of people were in agreement the signs were ominous for United's defence based on their replacements in central defence.
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"[Champions League opponents] Bayern will cook Man United," wrote one fan account dedicated to the Bavarian brutes.
"He ain’t wrong! You wouldn’t put that defensive pairing out in the League Cup first round let alone against Arsenal," railed another supporter in agreement.
Injured duo Raphael Varane and Luke Shaw can't come back soon enough for Erik ten Hag's side, with United seemingly very reliant on that first-string selection's fitness. United will persist with Lindelof and Martinez in the meantime, though performances so far this season have left the team lacking at both ends of the pitch.
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